Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
