There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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