I accidentally had phone sex last night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
