4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
