he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
