What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
