Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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