I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
