he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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