We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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