you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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