Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
