so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
