sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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