You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
