Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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