You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
