He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I could fuck to npr.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
