I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
