Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
