I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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