You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
