i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
