You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
