I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
