hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We are two peas in an std pod
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
