I bet he comes in French.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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