During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
