South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
