My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
