you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
