Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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