Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
