I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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