so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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