Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
