Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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