Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
