just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Randomize
