dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
