My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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