Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
