I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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