If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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