Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
