guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
