needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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