I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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