I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
