I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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