Dual....:-)
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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