Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
