if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
