I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
