it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
