24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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