you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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