Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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