I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if only i could text you this smell
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
