listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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