And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
