the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
