The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
