Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
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