She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
