ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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