i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
