its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
