Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
