I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize