In America we eat man semen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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