I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
