Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
