Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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