Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
