If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
