it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize