Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
