I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
