if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
