did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
