he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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