I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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