i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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