I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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