I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
