i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
