We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
